Text version

Newton PIE

Newton PIE v1.0 (26 Feb 1999)
Sung to the tune of American Pie by Don McLean
by Avi Drissman <mailto:drissman@acm.org>
(with apologies to Don McLean)
with a little help from:

You may re-distribute this song, but please leave this credits section intact.

Remember that this is a song. Nevertheless, if I have committed some major error of fact, please let me know.

This song is dedicated to all the Newton engineers who made the Newton what it is. While Apple thinks they killed the Newton, every Newton user knows that what matters is how their MP or eMate helped them keep their lives in order and have some fun.

While the magic no longer has a corporate sponsor, the spirit of a technology that had such an emphasis on the users lives on.

Thank you for the great ride.

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
How Apple used to make me smile.
And I knew if I gave them a chance
That they would make my Newton dance
Improve, enhance its elegance and style.
But February made me shiver
With every press release delivered.
Newton Inc. was gutted;
Newsgroups all were flooded.
I can't remember if I cried
When I saw the power Steve Jobs plied
And something touched me deep inside
The day that Newton died.



Bye, bye, Newton Inc., Newton PIE.
Drove down to Cupertino but the brain trust was dry.
Yet loyal users look you straight in the eye
Saying, "I'll use it 'till the day that it dies",
"I'll use it 'till the day that it dies".

Read Defying Gravi[i]ty,
Newtons are not Macs and not PCs.
Do gut feelings tell you so?
Now do you ignore opinion polls?
Is your Newt wired to your soul?
And can you take Rosetta being real slow?
Well I saw the smile on your lips
When up came a cool solar eclipse
Your words spoke for us all,
"Man, I'm havin' quite a ball!"
I was disorganized, boy did that suck!
Then my MessagePad got me unstuck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day that Newton died.

I started singin',


Now for one year we've been on our own
And support from Apple is long gone,
But that's not how it used to be.
When Steve Jobs sang for Ellen and Gil
The whole Mac world seemed to stand still
And Newton Inc. was humming happily.
When losses hurt Amelio,
Jobs grabbed the title "CEO".
The board room was replaced;
Then Gil left in disgrace.
And while Steve did Newton Inc. un-spin,
He did his P.R. with a grin,
And we felt the RDF kick in
The day that Newton died.

We were singing,


The Newton group was relaxing,
Development had been quite taxing;
The 2100 ready to go.
With Newton Inc.'s obvious fall,
They saw the writing on the wall,
That Steve Jobs at any time could blow.
When the CEO started talking trash,
Then engineers left in a flash.
We all could smell a rat,
But the RDF quelled that.
And as Apple offered more RAM room
We saw an awful future loom
Do you recall the sense of doom,
The day that Newton died?

We started singing,


None of us felt quite the same
When the day we dreaded finally came.
We wished Newton to again rise.
So, come on Apple, come on Steve,
Grant Newton technology a reprieve
But we just saw its slow demise
And as I watched Steve take the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
Critics they all applauded;
We felt we were defrauded.
And as Newton burned into the night--
Such pain in the MessagePad's sad plight--
I saw Steve Jobs laughing with delight
The day that Newton died.

He was singing,


I wrote a guy who posted news
And I asked him for some happy views
But if he had he didn't say.
And I went down to the Newton Store
Where I'd bought accessories before
But the man there said, "We're closing; go away."
And in the streets the users screamed,
Devotees cried and programmers dreamed
But nothing really mattered
For the magic was all shattered.
And the engineers admired most,
The ones of Newton users' boasts,
They went to 3Com on the coast
The day that Newton died.

And they were singing,


Back to Avi's Newton Stuff

Last modified: Tue, Mar 9, 2004 at 12:02:03 AM